s u r r e n d e r

s u r r e n d e r

Today in iso church this image came to life. As usual my work continues to speak to me first. Soz. It is how it is. The church after chat today was exceptional! Thank you.

Have I always had my focus on me and what I’m missing, and what is my purpose? What do I bring? If I am honest yes and probably on and off for all my life. Iso hasn’t made it more obvious to me, I just wasn’t listening or don’t want to listen because what you, God, are going ask of me is too big for me to do. Too big to do on my own. Shezz, because I know exactly what God has planned. I really have some growing up to do. Working from home and isolation has just given me more processing time. And probably more wallowing time too. I’m sure that’s not its professional term.

Aren’t we all focused on ourselves? Isn’t that what the world teachers us all the time. If we don’t go and get “it”, what ever the “it” is we haven’t made it or where not complete. It’s that kind of chatter that speaks loud, unending and is unforgiving.

This is where this image comes to life. It’s a combination of couple of past sketches lost in the numerous visual diaries and journals scattered around my home. The focus of time, so much time, so many tears in the waiting for the unknown that if unchecked would engulf me except God has it. And although I’m working through some stuff at the moment, again, I know He is always here, unmoving and where doing time together even if I am his most obstinate child. He’s not letting me go.

I’d like to say it’s simply because I am more focused on me and what I don’t have, or missed out on, or grieving what I’ve lost. Maybe there’s more than a little truth in that, but maybe the focus needs to be adjusted. In this time and space, here right now, I am choosing to focus on who God is and not on who I am. I choose to focus on God and not what I have missed out on.

Here I am focusing on the one who made the heavens and earth and not the lost opportunities, missing out, or the brokeness that would leave me in oceans of tears. I am sure I’ve cried at least one in my life.

Here I choose to raise my hands in surrender inspite of being in the unknown.

Here I choose to trust in the one that as numbered my days as He has every hair on my head..

It’s all I have left. Trusting in the one who knew me before the beginning of time. Who knew I would be here and doesn’t waste, but grows us through our experiences, no matter how painful they have been. I choose to grow, and like any growing it causes pain as somethings are pruned to allow space for the growth. I am not saying it doesn’t scare the crap out of me to walk into the unknown, but all else has fallen away and now it’s me on the rock, being cared for and strengthened for I don’t know what, but God does. I choose to trust and to live in hope as I focus on who God is.

Where is your focus today and everyday?