When I started painting this work I was exploring composition, layout, colours, facial expressions and foreshortening. Generally speaking, I had no idea what this would look like as I begun working on it. It took about 2 years to complete once painting started. I usually have several paintings going at the one time which is a normal practice for an artist, but some works are hard work. This was one of the hard ones. The under-drawing itself laid baron of colour for an unsure amount of time until I could no longer stand the disfigured areas in the drawing and reworked them. At one stage it sat on an easel staring back at me as a painted figure in hues that are no longer present in the finished work. I over thought it and ignored it and then one day I just started painting. Actually, one day I picked up some blue pastels and started to work the background with the intention of making the background drop back so the figure could be more prominent and to try and make something of the 120cm wide canvas. The colour scheme changes of monochromatic blues flowed into the subject matter once the background was complete. The hours of individual brushstrokes in the wings were last and for the longest time I had no idea what this painting meant. This would come once it was complete. Looking at the mixed media painting one day it came to me. The subject matter was an accusing figure. “The Accuser” is pointing their finger out at the viewer. And it got me thinking about how we can see God as this harsh, bringer of destruction and causes all the disease and problems in the world, doesn’t answer prayers, sees all my faults and he is the one pointing his fingers at us.
That we are not worthy.
That we are unlovable.
That we are not qualified.
When our view of God is one of judge and jury we might then view ourselves as judged; as though we are seen as we can do no good, or always messing things up; or even as though we are criminals. (Google dictionary) But isn’t it the pointing of our own conscience at our brokenness, our sin, and how we know the things that we think and feel about others and ourselves and that surely God has no time for someone like us? That he is our accuser. It’s our brokenness that leads us to assume we know God’s heart towards us. We can come to see God as someone that, if I were him, I would be my own accuser too.
I’ve come to learn that all my junk is nowhere near as impressive as I think it is. We all have our own junk. It is why we fall short from my relationship with God. But man, am I thankful beyond words for Jesus and His sacrifice and resurrection. “God’s mercies are new every day”, says to me that I am going to stuff it up more regularly than I am often willing to admit to, but that’s why I need Jesus all the more.
Early on I didn’t know God enough to know what His character was like. Further on I am understanding more and more that His character is not one that points His finger at His children. He loves us! It’s the pointing of our own finger at ourselves in how we think what God is like that can leave us fearful of the mistakes we’ve made, making and going to be made. This can paralyse us from moving forward, from learning to know God more and especially from surrendering all our junk to the only one who can bring us healing and the greatest and deepest love relationship of all.